Writing industrial-oriented copy is quite different from
writing consumer-oriented copy. The major difference is that technical people
want technical information.
By Robert W. Bly, president
Bob Bly Communications, NYC
When asked if he could write an
effective direct mail package on a complex electronic control system, a direct
response copywriter replied, "No problem--it doesn't matter what the
product is. You're selling to people. And
people are pretty much the same."
His message was clear: In direct
mail, industrial copywriting and consumer copywriting are pretty much the same.
He's wrong.
Yes, there are similarities. But
there are also differences in selling to technical buyers vs. the general public.
And the major difference is: technical people want technical information.
The industrial copywriter is selling to engineers, managers, purchasing
agents, and other technical people--people whose understanding of and interest
in complex product information is inherently far greater than the average
consumer's.
Below are ten time-tested tips for
writing industrial copy that sells. Apply them to your next ad, mailer, or
catalog, and watch the reply cards come pouring in.
1. Be
technically accurate. Industrial marketers sell systems to
solve specific problems. Copy must accurately describe what the product can and
cannot do.
Being accurate means being truthful.
Industrial buyers are among the most sophisticated of audiences. Technical
know-how is their forte, and they'll be likely to spot any exaggerations,
omissions, or “white lies" you make.
Being accurate also means being
specific. Writing that a piece of equipment "can handle your toughest
injection molding jobs" is vague and meaningless to a technician; but
saying that the machine "can handle pressures of up to 12,000 pounds"
is honest, concrete, and useful.
One way to achieve specificity in
your writing is to prefer concrete terms (right-hand column below) to general
terms (left-hand column).
|
General |
Concrete |
|
bad weather |
rain and snow |
|
heavy |
more than 15 tons |
|
experimental |
gas chromatographs |
|
apparatus |
a dozen |
And, just as a stain on a sleeve can
ruin the whole suit, a single technical inaccuracy can destroy the credibility
of the entire promotion. In Technical
Writing: Structure, Standards, and Style (McGraw-Hill), the authors point
out that "Technical writing that contains technically inaccurate
statements reflects inadequate knowledge of the subject." All the
persuasive writing skill in the world won't motivate the industrial buyer if he
feels that you don't know what you're talking about.
2. Check the numbers. Many of us became writers just to get away from having to deal with numbers;
all the math whizzes in our class went on to become computer
"Elaborate marketing research is often unnecessary in
industrial selling. By talking with a few knowledgeable engineers, the
copywriter can quickly grasp what makes a technical product useful to
industrial buyers.
programmers,
accountants, and media buyers. But to write effective industrial copy, you've
got to approach members with a new found respect.
Just think of the disaster that
would result if a misplaced decimal in a sales letter offered a one year
magazine subscription at $169.50 ten times the actual price of $16.95. You can
see why this would stop sales cold.
Well, the same goes for industrial
copy. Only, in technical promotions, a misplaced decimal or other math mistake
is less obvious to the copywriter, since the material is so highly technical.
You and I would suspect an error in a mailer that advertised a $169.50 magazine
subscription. But how many direct response writers could say, at a glance,
whether the pore size in a reverse osmosis filter should be 0.005 or 0.00005 or
0.0005 microns? (How many of us even know what a micron is?) Yet, to the
chemical engineer, the pore size of the filter may be as crucial as the price
of the magazine subscription. Get it wrong, and you've lost a sale.
All numbers in industrial
promotional literature should be checked and double-checked by the writer, by
the agency, and by technical people on the client side.
3. Be
concise. Engineers and managers are busy people. They
don't have the time to read all the papers that cross their desks, so make your
message brief and to the point.
Take a look at some industrial
direct mail. Letters are seldom more than a page long, and you almost never see
a four page letter in industrial selling.
As Strunk and White point out in The Elements of Style, conciseness
"requires not that the writer...avoid all detail and treat his subjects
only in outline, but that every word
tell." (italics mine.) In other words, cram your industrial promotions
full of product information and strong sales arguments. But avoid redundancies,
run-on sentences, wordy phrases, and other poor stylistic habits that take up
space but add little to meaning or clarity. For example, don't write
"water droplets condensed from atmospheric vapor and sufficiently massive
to fall to earth's surface" when you're talking about rain.
4.
Simplify. The key to successful industrial copywriting is
to explain complex concepts and products clearly and directly. Avoid overly
complicated narratives; write in plain, simple English. In the first draft of
catalog copy for a line of pollution control equipment, the product manager
wrote:
It is absolutely essential that the interior wall surface of
the conduit be maintained in a wet condition, and that means be provided for
wetting continually the peripheral interior wall surface during operation of
the device, in order to avoid the accumulation of particulate matter about the
interior surface area.
Here's how the copywriter simplified
this bit of technical gobbledygook to make it more readable:
The interior wall must be continually wetted to avoid solids
buildup.
One way to achieve simplicity in
your industrial writing is to avoid the overuse of technical jargon. Never
write that a manufacturer's new dental splint "stabilizes mobile
dentition" when its function is to keep
loose teeth in place. When you're deciding whether to use a particular
technical term, remember Susanne K. Langer's definition of jargon as
"language more technical than the ideas it serves to express." Never
let your language make things more complex than they already are.
5. Talk to
the users to determine their needs. Elaborate
marketing research is often unnecessary in industrial selling. By talking with
a few knowledgeable engineers, the copywriter can quickly grasp what makes a
technical product useful to industrial buyers.
Because the products are highly
technical, you can't rely on your own feelings and intuition to select the key
selling points. The benefits of buying a kitchen appliance or joining a record
club are obvious, but how can a layman say what features of a multistage
distillation system are important to the buyer, and which are trivial?
By speaking with technical and
marketing people on the client side, you can find out which product features
should be high-lighted in the copy and why
they appeal to the buyer. Then, apply your usual skill in persuasive
writing to turn these features into sales-oriented
"reason-why-they-should-buy" copy. The kind of copy that generates
leads--goodwill--orders--and money.
Recently, I was given the assignment
of writing a package on a water filtration system to be sold to two different
markets: the marine industry and the chemical industry. In the course of
conversation with a few customers in each field, I discovered that marine
buyers were concerned solely with quality and price, while chemical engineers
considered "technical competence" The number one selling feature they
wanted to know every detailed specification down to the last pump, pipe, fan,
and filter. Selling the product to the two markets would require two completely
different sales letters...but I'd never have known this if I hadn't asked.
6.
Understand how the promotion fits into the buying process. The
sale of an industrial product can require many lengthy steps; machinery is
seldom marketed by mail order. Sometimes your package can be used to generate
the lead. Or it may help qualify prospects. Many industrial marketers use sales
letters to distribute catalogs, remind customers of their products, or answer
inquiries. Know where your copy fits into the buying process so you can write
copy to generate the appropriate response
7. Know how
much to tell. Different buyers seek different levels of
technical information. If you're writing for top management, keep it short and
simple, and pile on the benefits. If you're pitching to technicians, be sure to
include plenty of meaty technical information.
Here's a description of a "Dry
FGD System" (a large piece of industrial equipment) from a promotion aimed
at plant engineers:
The average SO2, emission rate as determined in
the outlet duct was 0.410 lb/106 Btu (176 ng/J). All emission rates
were determined with F-factors calculated from flue gas analyses
obtained with an Orsat analyzer during
the course of each test run
This will satisfy the technically
curious buyer who wants to know how you determined
your product specifications, not just what they are. But managers have little
time or interest in the nitty-gritty; they want to know how the product can
save them money and help improve their operations. A brochure on this same Dry
FGD System aimed at management takes a lighter, more sales-oriented tone:
The Dry FCD System is a cost-effective alternative to
conventional wet scrubbers for cleaning flue gas in coal-fired boilers. Fly ash
and chemical waste are removed as an easily handled dry powder, not a wet
sludge. And with dry systems, industrial and utility boilers can operate
cleanly and reliably.
8. Don't
forget the features. By all means, stress customer benefits in
your copy. But don't forget to include technical features as well. In the
industrial marketplace, a pressure rating or the availability of certain
materials of construction often mean the difference between a buy or no-buy
decision. Although these features may seem boring or meaningless to you, they
are important to the technical buyer.
Direct response copywriters often
work up a list of product features and
the benefits that these features
offer the consumer. Then, the benefits
are worked into the sales letter.
In industrial copywriting, we do the
same thing, except we include the
features in the copy. Features and their benefits are often presented in
"cause and effect" statements, such as:
Because the system uses L-band frequency and improved MTI
(moving target indication). it can detect targets up to 50 times smaller than
conventional S-band radars.
No mechanical systems or moving parts are required. Which
means that Hydro-Clean consumes less energy and takes less space than
conventional pump driven clarifiers.
The geometric shape of the seal ring amplifies the force
against the disc. As the pressure grows, so does the valve's sealing
performance.'
9. Use
graphs, tables, charts, and diagrams to explain and summarize technical
information quickly. Put strong “sell copy" in your
headlines, subheads, and body copy; relegate duller “catalog information"
to tables, side-bars, charts, and inserts. And don't hesitate to use visuals;
photographs add believability, and drawings help readers visualize complex
products and processes.
10. Include case histories to demonstrate proven performance. Industrial
buyers want to know that your product has proven its performance in real-life
applications. Case histories -- concise "product success stories"
--are a sure-fire way to put the buyer's mind at ease.
In mail order, a simple one line
testimonial from "GK in Portland" or "the Jack Reeds in Jersey
City" is all that's needed to demonstrate a product's success. But
industrial buyers need to know more, and the typical case history tells what
the problem was, how the product solved it, and what the results were in terms
of money saved and improved plant performance. In an ad for the Hitachi
chiller-heater, a unit that cools and heats buildings, Gas Energy, Inc. uses a
series of tightly written one paragraph case histories to show readers that the
product works. Here's a sample:
Miami Hospital (300,000 sq. ft.). Linking a gas turbine
generator with one 450 ton Hitachi Cogeneration unit produces all cooling and
heating and saves $360,000 yearly vs. purchased electricity and the previous
electric centrifugal system.
The case history approach is one
area where industrial and consumer writers agree. After all, every direct
response writer knows that the best advertising is a satisfied customer.
Robert W. Bly is a freelance copywriter and consultant
specializing in industrial advertising and promotion. He has written copy for
more than two dozen corporations and ad agencies including BankWire, Brooklyn
Union Gas, J. Walter Thompson, and Westinghouse. Mr. Bly is the author of five
books including the forthcoming How to
Promote Your Own Business (New American Library). He may be reached at 174
Holland Ave New Milford. NJ 07646.
phone (201) 599-2277
Reprinted from Direct
Marketing Magazine May 1983 224 Seventh
Street. Garden City. NY 11530 (516) 746-6700