Writing industrial copy is quite different from
writing consumer-oriented copy. The major difference is that technical people
want technical information.
By Robert W. Bly, Industrial Copywriting
Specialist
When
asked if he could write an effective direct mail package on a complex
electronic control system, a direct response copywriter replied, "No
problem--it doesn't matter what the product is. You're selling to people. And people are pretty much the
same."
His
message was clear: In marketing, industrial copywriting and consumer
copywriting are pretty much the same.
He's
wrong.
Yes,
there are similarities. But there are also differences in selling to technical
buyers vs. the general public. And the major
difference is: technical people want
technical information. The industrial copywriter is selling to engineers,
managers, purchasing agents, and other technical people--people whose
understanding of and interest in complex product information is inherently far
greater than the average consumer's.
Below
are ten time-tested tips for writing industrial copy that sells. Apply them to
your next ad, mailer, or catalog, and watch the reply cards come pouring in.
1.
Be technically accurate. Industrial marketers
sell systems to solve specific problems. Copy must accurately describe what the
product can and cannot do.
Being
accurate means being truthful. Industrial buyers are among the most
sophisticated of audiences. Technical know-how is their forte, and they'll be
likely to spot any exaggerations, omissions, or Òwhite lies" you make.
Being
accurate also means being specific. Writing that a piece
of equipment "can handle your toughest injection molding jobs" is
vague and meaningless to a technician; but saying that the machine "can
handle pressures of up to 12,000 pounds" is honest, concrete, and useful.
One
way to achieve specificity in your writing is to prefer concrete terms
(right-hand column below) to general terms (left-hand column).
|
General |
Concrete |
|
bad weather |
rain and snow |
|
heavy |
more than 15 tons |
|
experimental |
gas chromatographs |
|
apparatus |
a dozen |
And,
just as a stain on a sleeve can ruin the whole suit, a single technical
inaccuracy can destroy the credibility of the entire
promotion. In Technical Writing:
Structure, Standards, and Style (McGraw-Hill), the authors point out that "Technical writing that contains technically
inaccurate statements reflects inadequate knowledge of the subject." All
the persuasive writing skill in the world won't motivate the industrial buyer
if he feels that you don't know what you're talking about.
2.
Check the numbers. Many of us became
writers just to get away from having
to deal with numbers; all the math whizzes in our class went on to become
computer programmers, accountants, and media buyers. But to write effective
industrial copy, you've got to approach members with a new
found respect.
Just
think of the disaster that would result if a misplaced decimal in a sales
letter offered a one year magazine subscription at
$169.50 ten times the actual price of $16.95. You can see why this would stop
sales cold.
Well,
the same goes for industrial copy. Only, in technical promotions, a misplaced
decimal or other math mistake is less obvious to the copywriter, since the
material is so highly technical. You and I would suspect an error in a mailer
that advertised a $169.50 magazine subscription. But how many direct response
writers could say, at a glance, whether the pore size in a reverse osmosis
filter should be 0.005 or 0.00005 or 0.0005 microns? (How many of us even know
what a micron is?) Yet, to the chemical engineer, the pore size of the filter
may be as crucial as the price of the magazine subscription. Get it wrong, and
you've lost a sale.
All
numbers in industrial promotional literature should be checked and
double-checked by the writer, by the agency, and by technical people on the
client side.
3.
Be concise. Engineers and managers are busy people.
They don't have the time to read all the papers that cross their desks, so make
your message brief and to the point.
Take
a look at some industrial direct mail. Letters are seldom more than a page
long, and you almost never see a four page letter in
industrial selling.
As
Strunk and White point out in The Elements of Style, conciseness "requires not that the
writer...avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell." (italics mine.) In other words, cram your industrial
promotions full of product information and strong sales arguments. But avoid
redundancies, run-on sentences, wordy phrases, and other poor stylistic habits
that take up space but add little to meaning or clarity. For example, don't write "water droplets condensed from atmospheric vapor
and sufficiently massive to fall to earth's surface" when you're talking
about rain.
4.
Simplify. The key to successful industrial
copywriting is to explain complex concepts and products clearly and directly.
Avoid overly complicated narratives; write in plain, simple English. In the
first draft of catalog copy for a line of pollution control equipment, the
product manager wrote:
It is absolutely essential that the interior
wall surface of the conduit be maintained in a wet condition, and that means be
provided for wetting continually the peripheral interior wall surface during
operation of the device, in order to avoid the accumulation of particulate
matter about the interior surface area.
Here's
how the copywriter simplified this bit of technical gobbledygook to make it
more readable:
The interior wall must be continually wetted to
avoid solids buildup.
One
way to achieve simplicity in your industrial copywriting is to avoid the
overuse of technical jargon. Never write that a manufacturer's new dental
splint "stabilizes mobile dentition" when its function is to keep loose teeth in place. When you're
deciding whether to use a particular technical term, remember Susanne K.
Langer's definition of jargon as "language more technical than the ideas
it serves to express." Never let your language make things more complex
than they already are.
5.
Talk to the users to determine their needs.
Elaborate marketing research is often
unnecessary in industrial selling. By talking with a few knowledgeable
engineers, the copywriter can quickly grasp what makes a technical product
useful to industrial buyers.
Because
the products are highly technical, you can't rely on your own feelings and
intuition to select the key selling points. The benefits of buying a kitchen
appliance or joining a record club are obvious, but how can a layman say what
features of a multistage distillation system are important to the buyer, and
which are trivial?
By
speaking with technical and marketing people on the client side, you can
find out which product features should be high-lighted
in the copy and why they appeal to
the buyer. Then, apply your usual skill in persuasive writing to turn these
features into sales-oriented "reason-why-they-should-buy" copy. The
kind of copy that generates leads--goodwill--orders--and money.
Recently,
I was given the assignment of writing a package on a water filtration system to
be sold to two different markets: the marine industry and the chemical
industry. In the course of conversation with a few customers in each field, I
discovered that marine buyers were concerned solely with quality and price,
while chemical engineers considered "technical competence" The number
one selling feature they wanted to know every detailed specification down to
the last pump, pipe, fan, and filter. Selling the product to the two markets
would require two completely different sales letters...but I'd never have known
this if I hadn't asked.
6.
Understand how the promotion fits into the buying process. The
sale of an industrial product can require many lengthy steps; machinery is
seldom marketed by mail order. Sometimes your package can be used to generate
the lead. Or it may help qualify prospects. Many industrial marketers use sales
letters to distribute catalogs, remind customers of their products, or answer
inquiries. Know where your copy fits into the buying process so you can write
copy to generate the appropriate response
7.
Know how much to tell. Different buyers seek
different levels of technical information. If you're writing for top
management, keep it short and simple, and pile on the benefits. If you're
pitching to technicians, be sure to include plenty of meaty technical
information.
Here's
a description of a "Dry FGD System" (a large piece of industrial
equipment) from a promotion aimed at plant engineers:
The average SO2, emission rate as determined in the
outlet duct was 0.410 lb/106 Btu
(176 ng/J). All emission rates were determined with
F-factors calculated from flue gas analyses
obtained with an Orsat
analyzer during the course of each test run
This
will satisfy the technically curious buyer who wants to know how you determined your product
specifications, not just what they are. But managers have little time or
interest in the nitty-gritty; they want to know how the product can save them
money and help improve their operations. A brochure on this same Dry FGD System
aimed at management takes a lighter, more sales-oriented tone:
The Dry FCD System is a cost-effective
alternative to conventional wet scrubbers for cleaning flue gas in coal-fired
boilers. Fly ash and chemical waste are removed as an easily handled dry
powder, not a wet sludge. And with dry systems, industrial and utility boilers
can operate cleanly and reliably.
8.
Don't forget the features. By all means, stress
customer benefits in your copy. But don't forget to include technical features
as well. In the industrial marketplace, a pressure rating or the availability
of certain materials of construction often mean the difference between a buy or
no-buy decision. Although these features may seem boring or meaningless to you,
they are important to the technical buyer.
Direct
response copywriters often work up a list of product features and the benefits
that these features offer the consumer. Then, the benefits are worked into the
sales letter.
In
industrial copywriting, we do the same thing, except we include the features in the copy. Features and their benefits
are often presented in "cause and effect" statements, such as:
Because the system
uses L-band frequency and improved MTI (moving target indication). it
can detect targets up to 50 times smaller than conventional S-band radars.
No mechanical systems or moving parts are
required. Which means that Hydro-Clean consumes less energy and takes less
space than conventional pump driven clarifiers.
The geometric shape of the seal ring amplifies
the force against the disc. As the pressure grows, so does the valve's sealing
performance.'
9.
Use graphs, tables, charts, and diagrams to explain and summarize technical
information quickly. Put strong Òsell
copy" in your headlines, subheads, and body copy; relegate duller Òcatalog
information" to tables, side-bars, charts, and inserts. And don't hesitate
to use visuals; photographs add believability, and drawings help readers
visualize complex products and processes.
10.
Include case histories to demonstrate
proven performance. Industrial buyers want to know that your product has
proven its performance in real-life applications. Case histories -- concise
"product success stories" --are a sure-fire way to put the buyer's
mind at ease.
In
mail order, a simple one line testimonial from
"GK in Portland" or "the Jack Reeds in Jersey City" is all
that's needed to demonstrate a product's success. But industrial buyers need to
know more, and the typical case history tells what the problem was, how the
product solved it, and what the results were in terms of money saved and
improved plant performance. In an ad for the Hitachi chiller-heater, a unit
that cools and heats buildings, Gas Energy, Inc. uses a series of tightly
written one paragraph case histories to show readers
that the product works. Here's a sample:
Miami
Hospital (300,000
sq. ft.). Linking a gas turbine generator with one 450 ton
Hitachi Cogeneration unit produces all cooling and heating and saves $360,000
yearly vs. purchased electricity and the previous electric centrifugal system.
The
case history approach is one area where industrial and consumer writers agree.
After all, every direct response writer knows that the best advertising is a
satisfied customer.
Robert W. Bly is a freelance copywriter specializing
in industrial, business-to-business, and direct response marketing. He has
written copy for more than 100 companies and ad agencies including Brooklyn
Union Gas, Ingersoll-Rand, Alfa Laval, Engineered Software, IBM, and AT&T.
Mr. Bly is the author of 85 books including The
CopywriterÕs Handbook (Henry Holt). He may be reached at (973) 263-0562 or rwbly@bly.com;
his website, which offers a free special report on industrial copywriting, is www.marketing2engineers.com.
Reprinted
from Direct Marketing Magazine.