Business Entrepreneurs
June 25th, 2008 by Bob Bly
A radio spot for Web site developer American Eagle tells how the company created a successful Web site for a “business entrepreneur.”
Business entrepeneur? As opposed to all those entrepreneurs who have nothing to do with business?
Obviously, “business entrepreneur” is redundant — given that the Oxford English dictionary defines an “entrepreneur” as “a person who sets up a business.”
Is using the term “business entrepreneur” a bad thing?
Admittedly, it’s not a huge sin.
But it bothers me — especially in a commercial for a company in the communications business.
The problem with redudancy is twofold. First, it wastes words. Second, it demonstrates suboptimal language skills.
I might trust American Eagle to design my Web site … but not to write the copy for it.
Your thoughts?
This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 25th, 2008 at 7:17 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:20 am
I agree with you. I was critiquing one of my own headlines yesterday, “Facebook Accounts Are Completely Unnecessary.” Completely is probably a wasted word in that something is either unnecessary or necessary, never partially necessary?
June 25th, 2008 at 9:14 am
Bob,
This reminds me of William Safire’s rant on Free Gifts: “What other kinds of gifts are there?” But he added:
“In this week’s harangue, I seem to be taking apart the work of the advertising copywriter: the target is inviting, but some of the most careful English is used in advertising copy. Many copywriters are unnecessarily self-conscious about their commercial craft–indeed, they should be prouder of their contribution to vivid and persuasive language.”
Amen.
Morty
June 25th, 2008 at 9:28 am
In this case, the redundancy is very blatant to me. But I would have to examine the voice, the target audience, and the image the website is going for. In everyday talk, I know many people do put the words together. (I’m in the midwest, where there are some ‘abnormalities’ afloat.)
But there are better ways to target these words. My question would be, “Is there a purpose to adding ‘business’?” For instance, if this is targeting people just going into business for the first time, “New Entrepreneur” sounds better. Better yet, just say “New Business Owner”. Many new business owners are not in the mindset yet to know what entrepreneur means on a conscious level… at least in my observations.
My aim though is to cut out as much redundancy as possible from the copy. Unless something comes up that makes the redundancy speak to the targeted audience specifically on a personal level, I’d lose it.
June 25th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Geezzz Picky Picky Picky oh sorry am I being redundant?? I don’t think that is going to make or break them unless they are selling to an English Professor.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
AnotherBobHere: I said in my post that it’s not a huge sin and I agree it won’t make or break them. The question is whether grammar, punctuation, spelling, and other writing mistakes harm a company’s credibility enough to damage the brand or decrease response. What do you think?
June 25th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Using the term “business entrepreneur” IS bad.
I’m not sure it will really hurt their business, though, as many businesspeople aren’t as in tune with great speech or communication.
However, as a writer myself, it immediately makes me think less of them.
June 25th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Is the credibility of this particular message damaged among this company’s target audience? Probably not to a very significant degree. (It would be interesting to test though.)
Is redundancy, grammar, spelling and content something every copywriter should be constantly assessing? If you want to be a professional, absolutely.
Do people make mistakes? Of course, that’s how we learn.
At the risk of sounding redundant, not a major sin in this context (in my opinion), but a nice reminder on proper use of craft.
June 26th, 2008 at 8:29 am
“Free Gift” has always made me cringe. I hate the term. Gifts are free. If a copywriter is any good, he or she will describe the gift — free report, free magazine, free whatever.
“Free gift” bothers me a lot more than “business enterpreneur.”
June 26th, 2008 at 8:30 am
That should be “entrepreneur.”
June 26th, 2008 at 11:06 am
Dianna: experienced DM writers know that whenever you give away something free, should say it is free — usually more than once; e.g., “And the bonus CD is yours absolutely FREE — our gift to you. It won’t cost you a penny.” In direct response, we cannot let our subjective judgment — our personal likes and dislikes — get in the way of writing what works.
June 26th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Bob, I can handle, “And the bonus CD is yours absolutely FREE — our gift to you. It won’t cost you a penny.”
I can’t handle — “We’ll send you a free gift!” I have seen this more times than I count.
In your sentence, you named the “gift” — the bonus CD — and to make sure people understood they didn’t have to pay for it, you said it was free.
But you did not say, “Respond today and we’ll send you a free gift!”
June 26th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Insert “can” before “count.” 😮
June 26th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
An economist once told me that the true meaning of “entrepreneur” should be understood more broadly. He felt that a university type, for instance, who moves upward through her career from grant to grant should be viewed as an entrepreneur.
No doubt he would have also thought that a chassidic rabbi I know who sports a website with some very snazzy copy is also an entrepreneur.
Bob, while the Oxford English Dictionary does seem to restrict the activities of an entrepreneur to business, if you go to http://www.onelook.com, a nifty compilation of a hundred and one dictionaries, and then click on to “search all dictionaries,” you’ll get a slightly broader meaning: “someone who organizes a business venture and assumes the risk for it.”
It is this element of risk that the economist was looking for — an element which brings the rabbi and the grants seeker and a lot of other folks into the entrepreneurial fold.
All this said, Bob, the example you gave does sound strained. Is it possible that the writer was trying to avoid writing the antifeminist “businessMAN” and the silly sounding “businessPERSON,” and wound up tripping over his own copy?
June 26th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
I think that advertisers do very well in marketing when they use spelling, grammar, and other errors.
Think of this phrase “Think Smart.”
Now, we all know that it should be “Think Smartly” to be correct, but you see this being done everywhere. It has always bugged me but it works.
June 26th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Dianna and Bob,
I never tested it, but I would be willing to bet that the phrase “Free Gift” pulls better than just saying “gift.” I’d rather win a customer than please my English teacher.
One editor started changing sentences in an article of mine that started with “And” or “But.” I held my ground and rejected the changes… no ifs ands or buts!
Rudolf Flesch wrote a chapter in “The Art of Readable Writing” called “Did Shakespeare Make Mistakes in English?” Yes he did. And so what?! If Mark Twain had stuck to the rules of grammar… we wouldn’t have “Huckleberry Finn”!
What’s important is what works. Yes, Dianna. It’s always good to be specific. And a Free CD may work better than a generic “gift.” But the phrase “Free Gift” resonates in a way that triggers a visceral response. And response is what it’s all about.
Morty
June 27th, 2008 at 7:01 am
Lou: If an entrepreneur is defined by the source you cite as “someone who organizes a business venture,” doesn’t that make “business entrepreneur” redundant?
June 27th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
To play the devil’s advocate, you could explain this by saying that you are narrowing entrepreneur down to business-oriented rather than, say, an environmental entrepreneur or a political entrepreneur. However, it’s a lame excuse.
June 28th, 2008 at 8:07 am
Bob:
My point was that “business entrepreneur” is strained and a poor choice of words because it comes off as redundant, but if you consider “entrepreneur” in its most recent incarnations, “business entrepreneur” is not a perfect redundancy.
July 22nd, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Bob: Since this is a radio spot and not a written advertisement, do you think that makes a difference?
If I had written “Attention Business Entrepreneurs” in a headline for any printed piece, I’m sure my phone would ring with a few indignant English professors, retired librarians and itchy copywriters, which may not be my market, but could make me feel badly about the copy regardless. That is, unless I made a wheelbarrow full of money from that ad.
I hear lots of bad grammar in radio spots, and yes, it makes me cringe, but might the redundancy issue here be outweighed by the nature of the medium–where the auditory message may get scant attention from drivers only listening with one ear? They may need to hear that second word to pay enough attention to think about picking up the phone. Thoughts?
July 24th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
One reason as to why “business entrepreneur” is perhaps not as redundant as some of the posts have indicated, is the rise of the term “social entrepreneur” in the non-profit sector. I just did a google search and it comes back with about a million hits, so not as large as the for-profit term, but not insignificant either.\
Regards,
Bill Huddleston, CFC Expert
http://www.cfcfundraising.com
May 26th, 2012 at 5:21 am
???????? ??????…
[…]Business Entrepreneurs – bly.com blog – bly.com direct marketing blog[…]…
May 26th, 2012 at 7:04 pm
keywords, tags, kategory, musik, new, old, funky, tv, television, mombasa, game…
[…]Business Entrepreneurs – bly.com blog – bly.com direct marketing blog[…]…
May 26th, 2012 at 9:15 pm
$1 Aweber email marketing…
[…]Business Entrepreneurs – bly.com blog – bly.com direct marketing blog[…]…
March 8th, 2018 at 9:20 am
Every year PEC conducts 5th and 8th Class exams in every district of Punjab with the collaboration of all the BISE boards of Punjab and every year huge number of Students appear in the exams and after exams PEC issues exact result based on purely merit on the internet and here at our website we’ll provide you the complete result of 5th and 8th class for the year of.Result 2018 of 8th Class
May 23rd, 2019 at 11:56 pm
If to speak about writing services, I do know a great one! This is the most reliable company I used. They did a great research for me.
October 5th, 2019 at 6:33 am
We all once in our lifetimes do fall in love with someone or knowingly or unknowingly make someone fall in love with ourselves. It is a jig saw puzzle which is being prepared for each one of us and when the time comes each and every piece magically fall into the place making the beloved fit in the picture.
Read more https://www.rohanicentre.com/dua-to-make-someone-mad-in-love-with-you/
November 7th, 2019 at 4:53 am
Owning a business is not an easy ordeal. Only the brave venture into this path less traveled, for uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.
Dua For Good Sale In Shop
July 29th, 2020 at 3:19 am
Business is a challenge in today’s era because as the market is up, the competition also increases. And anyway the condition of the market is fragile nowadays due to this epidemic. In this bad era, all the companies are running at a loss, they are all retrenched by their own employees so that the economic problem can be controlled to some extent. Recently, I also freed my office space for sharing and I am sure this idea will work a lot.
October 8th, 2020 at 4:21 am
You have done really good work, I really appreciate your hard working. Please keep posting.
https://camaliclinic.com/
November 4th, 2020 at 5:18 am
The world’s top entrepreneurs share their best business advice, success tips and what it takes to win in business…
Check Mike’s Survey
March 31st, 2021 at 8:43 am
Critics often accuse direct marketing copywriters of hype and puffery, but I think the real B.S. artists in marketing today are wine and beer writers.
June 12th, 2021 at 12:22 am
We all immediately recognize the flat snoot, wrinkled face, and large expressi. The Pug breed’s roots can be tracked back to Imperial China in 700 B.C., during the time of Confucius, when the breed was known as lo-sze. Imported to England in the 16th century, the breed quickly became a popular lap dog among the aristocracy. A Pug named Pompey is even credited with alerting Holland’s William I, Prince of Orange, to an assassination attempt by Spain. Over time, pugs have been the favored breed or both royals and celebrities—from Napoleon and Queen Victoria to Andy Warhol and Rob Zombie.
https://pugslandbreeder.company.com
October 18th, 2021 at 9:39 pm
Thank you for your contribution
October 19th, 2021 at 5:56 am
If you are interested in the blogging industry, check out the latest posts on the great site. Related post How to butterfly Click. Read the article Butterfly Clicking and have a good reading experience.
November 5th, 2021 at 4:13 am
Thank you for your assistance Fall guys
November 29th, 2021 at 8:22 am
check out storejees amazing outlet which have a wide range of Quality outlet you can visit
Love Hard Jacket.
January 5th, 2022 at 10:54 am
Thanks a lot for this article!
https://haneen.one/
January 11th, 2022 at 2:17 am
This article is out of the roof. Wow! Wonderful. Great Post! https://ayushibasu.com/
January 19th, 2022 at 1:49 am
Especially when most apprentices are stuck with so many things at the same time, they begin to think “Can I pay someone to do my online class”
January 23rd, 2022 at 9:18 am
Provident Funds Rules relating to Government employees in BPS 1-4 for ease of reference. pifra salary slip and Govt GP Fund profit Accordingly the General Provident Fund online info.
January 26th, 2022 at 12:57 am
I just loved your blog!. I also want yo suggest students that are reading my comment about my website Do my Exam Now. Where I provide students online class help and many more paid services like homework help and online exam help. Do check Do my exam now.
January 26th, 2022 at 5:00 am
Love your blogs. If you are thinking to pay someone to do my exam then I would say choose them for they are the best site My Online Class
February 10th, 2022 at 12:03 am
Panda Express is a famous American fast-food restaurant, it is a Chinese food chain. It has many types of tasty and spicy food dishes are there. And it conducts the Customer Survey with the name of Panda Express Customer Feedback Survey. On the official website is pandaexpress.com/connect.
April 26th, 2022 at 6:25 am
Thanks for sharing this is really helpful for me if you are worried about the exam so don’t worry we have a solution for your problem we are providing the Best LIVE EXAM HELP services Say goodbye to restless nights and strenuous exam preparations when our exam takers take care of it for you.
September 2nd, 2022 at 8:53 am
This article is out of the roof. Wow! Wonderful. Great
October 4th, 2022 at 6:41 am
An entrepreneur is a person who starts a new business and usually risks his own money to start the venture. Examples of well-known entrepreneurs.
Professional Assignment Writing Service
October 17th, 2022 at 2:32 pm
We are a small family-run goldendoodle puppy breeder that specializes in English teddy bear goldendoodles. We are the top breeder of Goldendoodles virginia Goldendoodles virginia, and we are located in the gorgeous Shenandoah Valley.
October 17th, 2022 at 3:59 pm
Get your firm a customized website that appropriately advertises your job and works on all devices. We create user-friendly websites for your company that are unique, attractive, and greatly increase traffic.
October 17th, 2022 at 4:57 pm
Decorate your blank canvases and bring life to your walls with our one-of-a-kind original artworks. Choose from a large selection of deep blue pictures, canvas paintings, and more.
October 17th, 2022 at 5:19 pm
Great! Young Messiah Clothing is more than simply a clothing line; it is a movement. The purpose of YMC is to give consumers with the best urban-wear apparel brand while staying loyal to its urban essence. Young Messiah Clothing reinvests its profits in America’s downtrodden ghettos.
October 17th, 2022 at 6:21 pm
Great post! Choosing the right wedding dress can be an overwhelming task, especially if you’re not familiar with all the different styles and materials available. We’ll be taking a look at some of the best online bridal suit’s resource to help you choose the perfect one.
October 20th, 2022 at 11:02 am
Thanks for sharing this amazing content. Your information is really very outstanding to read.
October 21st, 2022 at 1:24 am
Thanks for sharing this amazing content. Your information is really very outstanding to read. ???
December 2nd, 2022 at 1:37 pm
Thanks for sharing this amazing content. Your information is really very outstanding to read.
December 13th, 2022 at 7:02 am
Thank you for very usefull information..
January 24th, 2023 at 4:42 pm
??? ????? ??????
February 6th, 2023 at 5:09 am
It is an art to comment on a blog. You’re doing a great job. Don’t stop. Here is an article on Click Per Second Test that you may find useful. A CPS test will be given to you. You have to click your mouse as fast as you can and your result will be shown in CPS.
February 12th, 2023 at 1:11 pm
Future businessman can check this blog and get innovative ideas about startups and take my online class for me.
March 1st, 2023 at 3:30 pm
Laveen collections is one of the top clothing stores in Pakistan with premium range of bridal dresses, formal wear, ready to wear, unstitched clothing.